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I had convinced myself that passion and lust were for younger people and that part of my life was over, but with this partner, I was having incredibly open, honest, fun, feathers tickler and exciting sex. We were completely comfortable with each other and asked for what we needed, explored each other’s kinks, and took care of each other. He told me he loved me and promised me a life together, but in the least surprising cliche ever, he balked at actually committing to a relationship when my divorce was finalized, and he’s gone now.

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In those cases, "be very mindful about application and use," Switzer says. "Gently test temperature items on a small area of skin to gauge sensitivity." If you have any concerns about an object, run it by your ob/gyn (awkward conversation, we know, but better than an infection!) or skip it. Oh man, you’re the only person who can answer that question. Have you ever used toys or implements during sex with your wife, and, if so, what has her general opinion of them been? If she’s been put off, then it’s worth considering how much more upset she might be to discover you using a sex toy alone.

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